Ups and Downs

Decided to blog at this hour. Yes it's 1 AM now. I should be in bed and yet I'm feeling down again.

Lately, my emotional are just like a roller coaster. Ups and downs, ups and downs. Been tearing silently at night under my blanket. Nobody knows that I'm tearing at all.. I have been hiding my emotional towards my family these days. I tried not to show out and yet I failed..

There are so many PERHAPS in my life right now. Feeling despaired and yet I do not know what to do. I only can cried out to Daddy God. Telling him that my life is in a fix now..

Lord, I thank you for my 25 years of Education has come to an end. Thank you for giving me confidence and now I'm going to graduate this coming November.

After my education, family members has come to a concern about  my job. This is endless, from education to exams, to boyfriend and now to find a stable job. My folks at home are telling me to find a job which suits me, asked me not to rush when comes to finding job. At times, I do feel useless that why is my mobile phone so quiet? Why isn't any calls from those companies that I have applied..? Perhaps, I'm not good enough..

Wanted to spend some time in the library for interviewing skills, but too many things are occupying my brain now. Sometimes, I wonder why am I such a supergirl? Why do I have so many responsibilities? Can I be a free bird one day? Free from cage, never the answer is a NO.. I can never be a free bird.

Tutoring: I have been giving tuition since when I was 21 years old. Found this passion with the thanks of my best friends. They encouraged me, without them.. I wont be understanding how a kid feel when he/she are facing school and family stress. But at times, I felt that I'm a lousy tutor! Perhaps, I'm a lousy tutor.. Who can bring laughter to my students who often have family problems.

Relationship: Blessed to have him in my life. He is the one that I'm searching for these years. And God leads me to him. Many heard, that "LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP" they will intends to give you negative comments. And sometimes they will be sarcastic to say you are such a strong girl! I'm not a strong girl, I also need my boyfriend to be with me all the times. I envy girls who have their boyfriends at all times. But come to think of it, this will strengthen our relationship which is given my Daddy God. Day and night, uncountable misses.. Who can really stand in my shoes and think how am I feeling..? I can be strong outside, but deep down in my heart, I'm not strong. I'm trying to be strong. The only thing that I can do is to let out my emotion by crying.. But never mind, Daddy often tell me "Good things are worth the wait". He is worth my wait.. =] I believe that Daddy God is always with me all the times..

Boyfriend: Dont be sad while reading my posts. Please do not worried for me.. Salty will be fine..

Really feels good to pen down everything. Feeling very down while I'm typing all these out...

May I find myself back soon..

Goodnight Earthlings.